This week on Sundresses and Sourdough I have a very unique article for you. This article features a much respected brother in Christ, Benjamin Davis. Today, I’ll be interviewing Benjamin on the subject of Family Worship. Last fall, he wrote a guide to help families get started on family worship and it was very beneficial for my family. I’ll be sure to link the book at the end of this interview.

Q1. Hello, Benjamin! Before we start, can you introduce yourself, your work and the mission of your Twitter page and podcast?

Sure, my name is Benjamin Davis. I’m Christian father living in Texas with my beautiful wife and 4 kids. I have a Twitter account where I talk about politics, culture, and men’s issues, especially apathy and fatherhood. I also do interviews for the Right Perspective Podcast put out by The Conservative. The goal there is to discuss topics pertaining to reclaiming our Christian heritage in the West. I have also compiled some guidebooks on leading family worship in the home.

Q2. Can you tell us a little of what inspired you to lead family worship within your home?

A couple things. I had a foundation in it from my Dad; he led us in praise with his guitar, those were the best times. And then the late, great Voddie Baucham introduced me to the idea of a father formally catechising his children.

Q3. Why do you believe family worship is important outside of church attendance?

Sunday church is not enough for your children to form the spiritual roots they need. We’re given the responsibility to train up our children in the ways of Christ, we shouldn’t be abdicating it all to the local church. We’ve been trying that for a few generations now, and the result is that we almost expect our children to fall away in college.

“And these words which I command you today shall be in your heart. “You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up.”

—Deuteronomy 6:6-7

Q4. What does family worship look like in the Davis household?

It’s going to look different for different households. My oldest kids are almost 3, so we’re waiting to catechise them till they can read. So it looks like this right now; after I’ve finished my plate at the evening meal, the kids still have food and are settled into eating. I read either the Psalm of the day (Psalm 15 on the 15th of the month, etc) or part of a Proverb. Then we sing a couple hymns out of my Family Worship guide. Some nights it’s just the reading, but I’m working towards consistently doing some short commentary on what we just read, and then consistently singing as well.

Q5. You’ve written a guide for leaders and followers for family worship. What inspired you to write it? What was your goal with releasing this book?

A few things. One: it’s exactly the kind of tool that will help me lead family worship consistently in my home. I don’t have to figure it out every night, or look up hymns, it’s all right there. Two: it seemed to be a need. I think fathers are intimidated by the idea of doing it, so this walks you through it for every day of the month. My main goal is that it would help more fathers take an active role in the spiritual development of their wives and children.

Q6. During the wintertime, my husband works around 85hrs a week. Oftentimes he only sees the children on Sundays. What are some ways I can maintain the practice of family worship without usurping my husband’s role as leader?

Anything you do that’s been delegated to you by your husband is not a usurpation. So ask him what he would like you to do during the week while he’s gone. But my suggestions would be for you to read scripture to them, and sing hymns/Psalms with them, or at least put that on in the background throughout the day.

Q7. Outside of family worship, what are some ways your wife is teaching your children about the Lord?

We allow it to come out naturally through the day, when we’re explaining why something is naughty, or just explaining how something works, in real life or during a bedtime story. If Christ is really important to you, then he’ll never be too far from the tip of your tongue. And combine that with remembering that our kids don’t know hardly anything, then it comes out pretty often.

Q8. I know they’re toddlers at the moment but what are some ways you plan to teach your children about the Lord as they get older (scripture memorization, discussing confessions and creeds, etc.)?

A lot of the same, plus adding catecheses to the mix once they can read a little bit. I will also set the expectation that we all read our Bible as part of our personal morning routines. One of the best habits you can instill in a child.

Q9. We’ve discussed in the past that you keep your children in service during church. What are some tips you have for other families who are also family integrated?

We do, and it’s slowly getting easier, so my top advice is to be persistent. We didn’t find toys or books helpful, but a snack can be. Other things that can help are being clear with expectations and consequences before the service starts, being consistent, sitting near the back so kids can be disciplined outside of the sanctuary easily, and getting help from grandparents or an equivalent.

Q10. If you’re sick or out of town, does your wife take the children to church and keep them in service by herself? If so, how does she manage that considering y’all have 3 under 3?

Not yet, though I’m not sure we’ve been in that situation yet. But if it did and she went, we have family and friends there who would help her with the kids.

Q11. Do you have any other tips for mothers when it comes to them teaching their children about the Lord?

Two things:

1. Have some more serious books in your bedtime story repertoire, alongside the Dr Seuss stories, Island Boy by Barbara Cooney is one of my kids favorites, but it also lets me discuss death and afterwards with my kids.

2. Be serious about letting your husband lead in your home. Your kids need to see you living out scripture, and this is one of the most powerful ways you can do that.

Q12. Thank you for taking the time for this interview! Before we sign off, can you tell people where they can find you and share some links to your books?

You’re very welcome. My X handle is @SkinnyTieShop

All my other links (including my podcast) can be found on here linktr.ee/Bennyskinnydavis

In his book, “Christian Modesty, the Public Undressing of America”, Jeff Pollard explains how America has slipped away from the Biblical standard of modesty. Women oftentimes follow the world’s standard of modesty rather than that which God has put forth in His word. As Christian women, we should be covering ourselves not out of shame, but out of respect for our Lord, our Brothers in Christ, and our husbands.

Who are you representing to this world?

The words we speak, the choices we make and even the clothes we wear say a lot about who we are. If we dress like the women of the world, others will think we’re one of them, even if, in truth, we’re not.

“Your whole being--body and soul--is the purchased property of Jesus Christ: and the price paid for your body was the breaking of His. We must consider how we adorn His blood-bought property.”

You’re not your own. You were bought with a price. Part of honoring Jesus’ sacrifice is remembering He is our King, and dressing accordingly. Christian modesty doesn’t mean wearing only dresses and skirts, nor does it mean wearing heavy fabrics that aren’t flattering and have no style. It simply means that we should think through our motives for what we choose to wear. We shouldn’t strive to be the center of attention, neither should we dishonor the Lord in what we wear. There are indeed such things as too high, too short, too tight, or too low cut.

Is your way of dress causing others to sin?

When women wear revealing clothing, it can create a stumbling block for men to sin. When women wear expensive, flashy clothing and jewelry, it can cause other women to sin through envy or despair. Others are responsible for their own thoughts and actions, but each of us will answer for the stumbling blocks we knowingly hinder our Brothers and Sisters with.

This includes swimwear. Just because there’s a body of water around, doesn’t mean the standards of modesty are to be disregarded. Just as you wouldn’t go to the grocery store in your undergarments, you shouldn’t be wearing bikinis in public. Even most one piece swimsuits aren’t modest unless they’re paired with swim shorts or a swim skirt.

“While we must not be ashamed of the body itself as if it were an evil thing, we must properly cover it to preserve chastity of mind and spirit, especially in the corporate worship of our holy God.”

When dressing for church on the Lord’s Day, people tend to dress a little nicer than their daily wear. The point of this isn’t to show off or display any particular holiness, it’s to show reverence for the Lord. Church isn’t a social club. We should not be trying to impress our friends with a new tan or fancy dress. The rules of modesty actually apply more at church because when we worship, we’re spiritually going before the throne of God to give Him praise. Really think about it, if you were asked to appear before the throne of some royal person here on earth you would not wear a tube top and shorts with a 3 inch inseam. How much more conscientious and reverent should we clothe ourselves when going before the throne of God with our Brothers and Sisters?

Your husband has the final say

When picking an outfit, consider whether or not your husband would want you to wear it in public (assuming your husband is a godly man who understands feminine modesty). If your husband says something is too tight or low cut and for you to change, submit to that and change your outfit. It’s better to buy a whole new wardrobe than to cause men to stumble and lust after you, not to mention bring dishonor to yourself and your husband.

A practical application

There are general standards of modesty that can apply to everyone, crop tops and “booty shorts” being an example of immodesty. One part of dressing modestly is recognizing what outfit works best for your body type. For example, my sister is around 5’ 4” and can get away with wearing a skater skirt since it falls 3” above her knees. I’m a taller woman and if I were to wear the same style of skirt, it would fall less than halfway down my thighs. Considering I also have a fairly muscular build, a skirt of that length would be too short to wear out in public.

The same can apply to dress styles. A woman with a smaller bust can wear an empire-style dress with ease whereas a woman like me (who has had almost 3 babies in less than 4 years) would struggle not only with the fit, but also modesty in the sense of the dress highlighting the bust in a not-so appropriate way.

Ever since having babies, I’ve had to be a little more mindful of the way clothing fits. Not only because of remaining weight postpartum, but also because of how my figure has changed over the years. Even though the some of the clothes I wore before having babies still fit, I’ve had to donate them because they were no longer appropriate for my new figure postpartum.

In conclusion

Dressing modestly can come at a price. We may have to discard items of clothing that held memories. Some may call us strict, legalistic, or other unsavory names. It can, at times, even be hard to relate to other women at church. Our daughters may not be all too popular with their peers. As hard as it may be, we must remember that we’re dressing modestly in order to obey the Lord and be honorable representations of Him.

One lovely aspect of a new marriage is uniting family traditions. My husband and I have a few traditions in common such as opening a gift on Christmas Eve and giving the kids a new pair of Christmas pajamas every year. There are, however, a few traditions that we didn’t have in common but we’re passing down to our children so they can experience the joy of the season that we did.

November 1st; the start of the Christmas season

Jumping into perhaps what is the most controversial tradition I had growing up: November 1st the official start of the Christmas season in our home. My mom and I have been doing this tradition for years. It’s our way to say “See ya!” to the distasteful Halloween holiday and celebrate the start of the best season of all: Christmas! We decorate the home, drink the season’s first glass of egg nog, my sister puts up the tree and my mom and I watch a Christmas movie with the kiddos.

Also, when I was growing up I worked for a small family business. I was aware that most of the purchases the customers made during November and December were going to be Christmas gifts. Being able to create those gifts for others while drinking hot chocolate and watching Christmas movies made me feel like a happy Christmas elf!

When I first told my husband about this tradition, he was all in. He, too, loves the Christmas season and was more than happy to share in this tradition with us. He also likes to buy Christmas gifts early so it was a good excuse to try and have all gifts purchased by November.

Early Gifts

Speaking of buying gifts early… one of the traditions my husband came up with (completely unintentionally) was giving gifts early. It’s not limited to Christmas, either. We typically do this for any holiday or occasion and it’s pretty spontaneous. We don’t give all gifts before the actual day of the holiday, but we usually exchange at least one or two in advance. For example, one of my Twitter mutuals is Deus Vult Lapel Pins. He’s always coming out with based lapel pin designs. I discovered his shop around 2 months ago and I’ve already placed several orders. My husband and I collect pins so usually when I order one, I get a second for my husband.

I originally purchased the pins as Christmas gifts but when I stuffed his stocking with little gifts I’d previously squirreled away, I was out of room! So, I decided the pins would make a perfect early gift.

Christmas Light Shows and Events

Another tradition my husband came up with is going to a Christmas light event. His family did this growing up and he wanted to pass it down to ours.

The Christmas we were engaged, he wanted to do something extra special so we went to two different events.

The first was a few towns away at the state aquarium. They had the entire inside and outside decorated in lights and displays. Some of the fish tanks also had black light effects and Christmas decorations inside!

The second was a day trip to the town where we had our first date. We walked the same pier and then took a trip to the local gardens he had wanted to take me to for our first date. We didn’t end up going to the gardens that first date because my map app messed up on the closing time and they had closed for the day by the time we arrived.

We ended up attending that lights event for the first New Year’s Eve we were together. It was truly a special way to welcome the New Year – the gardens were fully decorated with thousands of candles and Christmas lights.

The 12th Day of Christmas

The last family tradition of ours that I’ll discuss is the 12th Day Christmas, also known as Epiphany, which is the day celebrating when the magi arrived with gifts for the infant King Jesus.

In my family, 12th Day (as we call it) is celebrated by reading the story of the magi and giving the children of the household one last Christmas gift. Instead of the gift being a fun or silly gift, we focus on a gift that’s more practical and try to find something that will be useful to them in the coming new year. For the first 12th Day after each of our babies are born, we give them their first Bible. This year, my toddler is getting a numbers and letters workbook since that’s what he’ll be learning in the coming year.

My husband didn’t grow up with this tradition but he loved it so much, he wanted to continue it not only for our children, but for each other as well. Gifts in the past have been practical things like replacement shoes for my husband (he goes through shoes rather quickly at his job) and a nice set of pajamas for when I was newly postpartum with our first baby.

Blending our Christmas traditions and creating new traditions has been a lot of fun. I would love to hear about the parts of your family culture that you’re passing down to your children—please, share your favorite traditions in the comments!

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Not everyone dreams of leaving home to get married only to find themselves back at home (but now married) less than a year later. I certainly didn’t. However, if there’s one thing I’ve learned in the past three years of moving back home, it’s the importance of being able to surrender our plans to The Lord. In this post, I’ll be discussing our multi-generational home. How we got here, what it’s like being home again and living with my parents as a married woman and a mother.

A life-changing decision

My husband and I got married back in 2022. He had been living in an apartment for a few months before we got married and I moved in after the honeymoon. We had an enjoyable honeymoon in Tennessee and were gone for around a week. When we got back, we received a letter from the apartment manager stating that we had one week to decide if we were going to extend our lease for 6 months, or a year.

If we signed on to stay for 6 months our monthly rent would increase by $400/month. If we decided to stay for a year, rent would stay the same. We had already discussed with my parents the possibility of moving in with them when our lease was up. Money was very tight, even with both of us working. We could’ve purchased a home, but in our local economy, that would’ve meant both of us working full time for the next decade or so. Knowing that we wanted to have children in our younger years, and that we both believed that I should be home with the kids full time when we did have children, committing to a mortgage that required 2 incomes wasn’t an option for us.

I told my husband I would follow whichever decision he made. After much prayer and discussion, he decided that it would be best if we moved in with my parents in order to save money, pay off debt, and prepare for having kids. We extended our lease for another 6 months and informed my parents we would move in when our new lease was up. It wasn’t our ideal life plan, but it made us be more intentional about how we spent our time in the apartment, knowing it was going to be the last time we had a space to ourselves for a while. When we had the same evenings off, I would cook and he would read the Bible. We even got to enjoy our first Christmas together without having to go anywhere, which was a blessing considering we had to work every other day before because we worked retail.

Despite knowing we wanted to have kids young, we had no idea how quickly The Lord would give us that blessing. A month after we got married, I had a weird feeling that I should take a pregnancy test. You can imagine my surprise when the test was positive! And on Father’s Day of all days! We quickly realized why God led my husband to make the decision he made. Had we chosen to stay in the apartment for a year, I would’ve had to work during the first 6 months of our baby’s life; an outcome that would’ve been devastating.

New home, new life

When we moved into my parents home, I was 8 months pregnant and preparing for a home birth. The room we stayed in used to be my grandma’s. It was almost two times bigger than that of our room in the apartment. The giant walk in closet was the perfect space for a makeshift nursery.

The baby ended up coming 2 days past due. My husband worked an hour away so when I noticed the first signs of labor, I called him immediately. One of the great benefits of living with my parents was my mother being with me every moment of labor. The baby was coming so fast, my mother was almost the one to catch him! Thankfully, the midwife arrived in time to deliver him and take care of me after a minor complication. I spent the next 2 weeks on bedrest and my mother took care of me after my husband’s time off ran out.

It took a while for us to get used to being in a new home and having a baby. My husband’s work schedule was always inconsistent so having my mom in the home to help with the baby was a huge blessing. When the baby had rough nights and I was unable to keep my eyes open, my mother would take the baby and listen to theology podcasts with him until he fell asleep. She’s also a huge help now that I have 2 under 2. Even my little sister will take the toddler some afternoons and teach him how to bake bread or cookies.

Here’s to the future

We’ve been living with my parents for almost 3 years now. We don’t know what the Lord has in store for us. But we do know He has plans for our good, and His glory. We may be living in a way that’s different from our peers, but it’s where The Lord has led us and for the time being, where He wants us to stay. It was a hard transition at first, not having our own spaces. But my parents have welcomed us and helped us to make their house feel like our home. My mother even let me pick out new dishes that were similar to my dishes from the apartment.

Our house may be filled with lots of people, but that just means that there are several people who are helping us care for and show love to our children. It always puts smiles on everyone’s faces when we come down to breakfast and my parents can say “good morning” to their grandchildren. It will be interesting to see when The Lord makes a way for us to get a house of our own. Until then, we’ll focus on enjoying the unique arrangement God has blessed us with.

Having lived in our multi-generational home for almost 3 years now, we have learned a lot. Given the current economic woes, it’s likely that a lot more people will be sharing a home with other generations of their family in the coming years. House builders where we live have even started marketing floor plans that are designed for multi-family living under one roof. The Lord has taught us a lot so my mom and I have been thinking about sharing a few things we’ve learned regarding multi-gen living, so stay tuned for that!

A note about the term “multi-generational home”

I realize that the usual arrangement of a mother, father and children is 2 generations, which is technically multi-generational already. I am using the phrase ‘multi-generational’ because that seems to be the phrase that is being used in our society to describe living arrangements like ours. Multi-family would be more accurate, but still confusing since we are all related and thus family. The way my mom puts it is that it’s “a tight house with 2 women so we need to be Titus 2 women”. Maybe a better way to put it is “two hearths, one home”. So until someone comes up with a better term than ‘multi-generational living’, we’ll default to that term when discussing this way of life.

One of the most common questions I see in my circles is this: “Should women be in the workforce?”. A few different speakers and pastors I look up to say “No,” across the board. While I’m inclined to agree, I do recognize we aren’t living in an ideal world, let alone an ideal economy. I think the answer to this question depends on several different factors. In this post, I’ll be thinking through a few of those factors and exceptions.

What does the Bible say?

A general mission for women can be found in Titus 2:4-5 (emphasis mine)

“...teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.”

Notice how the verse states a woman should be a “keepers at home”, not “Keepers of the home”, as some folks would say. It’s clear from this passage that a woman’s focus should be on her home and her family. Proverbs 31 also has strong implications when it talks about The Wife of Noble Character.

A husband should do everything in his power to provide a way for his wife to stay home, especially if they have children. His wife likewise should be willing to stay home in order to better care for him, the children and the home. They also need to come together and discuss the sacrifices they need to make in order to make it possible. Annual vacations, new cars or even organic whole foods are common sacrifices. This is one aspect that will vary greatly from one family to another. One of the sacrifices we personally made was giving up our own apartment to move into my parent’s house. (More on that in next week’s article.)

Exceptions to the rule

Now before anyone gets upset and starts throwing around a bunch of “What ifs”, let’s add a few disclaimers and discuss some of the exceptions.

Of course, a woman can work if her husband has a disability, incapability or something to that effect. I’m not going to be focusing on those exceptions right now because they’re so rare. What I do want to focus on is the exception of a bad economy.

We all know the economy is terrible right now. Especially for young couples who want children. Not everyone has the option to move in with their parents or in-laws like we did. In some parts of the US, some couples can’t afford to live in something even as simple as a mobile home on a single income. Not to mention, trailer parks aren’t generally the safest place for a man to leave his wife and children while he’s at work.

In those cases, when the couple is struggling that deeply, I do think it’s okay for a married woman to be in the workforce. There just needs to be a recognition that even though she’s also working, the Lord still commanded her to be a keeper at the home and be a helpmeet to her husband. She shouldn’t be in the workforce to chase her dream career, and her husband’s focus should always be on getting to a point where he can afford to have his wife quit her job and stay home full time.

I see people say lots of things such as “Well, if it’s that bad, they really just need to move.” and in some cases, they should indeed move. However, there are also cases where one’s entire family is in the area and it would be unwise to move outside the vicinity of their support network. Not to mention, the cost of moving typically isn’t one that struggling couples can afford.

The same goes for saying that the husband simply needs a different job. Oftentimes, things aren’t that black and white and we need to be understanding of others and their unique situations.

The Productive Christian Household

Imagine there was a farmer who sold his goods at the local market. The farmer spends his days laboring in the field, his wife is his helper and looks after the animals, and outside of school, the children help their parents with minor chores around the farm. All members of the household contributed so that the farmer’s business can thrive and therefore support the entire family.

Many homes are like this today, but not as obvious as a family farm. A great example of this is Pastor Brian Sauve’s household. Pastor Sauve is a man blessed by the Lord with a great number of talents, a bulk of which he’s been able to monetize in order to support his family. One of his enterprises is New Christendom Press, which is a Christian publishing company. They’ve released six books so far, one of which was written by his wife, Lexy.

When they announced the release of Lexy’s book, Wisdom on Her Tongue (a great book, by the way), the couple received backlash from some people who accused Pastor Sauve of platforming his wife by giving her the “job” of a writer. That controversy proved that many people don’t understand 1. What a productive Christian household is, and 2. How it works when the wife is involved in bringing in an income by working with her husband. Here’s Pastor Sauve’s response to the matter:

“...my wife wrote this book in the hour before our kids wake up and during their nap times over a 3–4 month period. She won’t be doing speaking tours, conferences, or other heavy promotional work for it. We record Bright Hearth [their podcast] once every two weeks after the kids are in bed, and I do the preparation work ahead of time and all the work on the back end of it as well. These things are a part of our productive Christian household—think “Proverbs 31” activities.”

I can also give a personal example. A few months ago, I started doing design work for my friend, Amanda of Little Red Hen Baking Supply. She makes and sells fondant cookie stamps and as one of her designers, we work together creating various collections for her company. When I do design work, I’m working when my kids are asleep for the night or when my husband takes them to the park for Dada time. My husband also worked on the manufacturing side of the business before his day job started requiring him to work overtime.

If you want to contribute to your family’s finances by working for a friend or starting your own business, it’s important that you find a balance between your “side hustle” and your home. Your family and home are your priority first and foremost.

For the single woman

Although some would disagree, I think it’s perfectly okay for a woman to work if she’s single. It’s much better for a single woman to get a job than it is for her to sit around watching TV or wasting her days away on social media. Not all are promised marriage at a young age, after all.

If a single woman is going to have a job or even a career, she needs to make sure her focus is still on the priorities the Lord has laid out in His Word. Her mindset needs to be focused on doing her job well, but also maintaining her home. If she’s living with her parents, she either needs to be contributing to the household chores or financially. Her days off should be spent learning or maintaining the skills of a homemaker in order to prepare for her one day becoming a wife, Lord willing.

Her job shouldn’t be her life plan. She shouldn’t pass on a good man who’s willing to marry her if it means she has to quit her job. Not all are given multiple chances at marriage in life.

If you’re a woman who has been single for several years (think mid to late 40s), and it seems like marriage may not be in the future, just do your best with what the Lord has given you. Work hard at your job, care for your aging parents and manage your home well.

The last thing I would say on this particular topic is that women shouldn’t be trying to inject themselves into male dominated spaces (such as the military, police, emergency response, oil work or high level politics.) Such arenas of work call for the gifts that God has especially blessed men with in order to succeed and excel and more often than not, women in those spaces are a hindrance to the work being done.

In recent days, this has become a commonly discussed controversy and I’m aware that there is a spectrum of viewpoints on this issue. I’d love to hear your thoughts, even if we don’t agree.

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Hello friends! I hope y’all had a great week. Today, we’re back for part 2 of my Godly Woman series. If you’re new to my Substack, I recommend reading part 1 here so you’re fully caught up. As a reminder, I’ll paste our reference verse below.

“...that they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, kind, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.”

–Titus 2:4-5

Chaste

To be chaste means, of course, to be pure, morally clean and innocent. The obvious application of this for a wife is not to engage in any romantic fashion with someone who isn’t your spouse.

The not-so-obvious application would be something like the media we engage in. The books we read, movies we watch, even the music we listen to all need to be analyzed in this light. It’s okay to be entertained by a show that isn’t specifically made for Christians and by Christians, as long as the content of the show doesn’t cross any lines into glorifying sexual depravity. Ultimately, our allegiance is to God and His Word, not celebrities. People like Taylor Swift are often defended by “Christian” influencers because the influencer has a misplaced attachment to the nostalgia of her music, rather than the Truth of God’s Word. Reject the bad, hold onto the good, true and the beautiful.

It’s often said that we consume media. I think it’s important to phrase it that way. We are all well aware of the truth behind the maxim that “you are what you eat” and the same could be said for the media we consume. What you allow into your heart and mind will affect who you are.

Keepers at home

Did you notice the distinction of this assignment? Keepers at home. Not keepers of the home, as is commonly assumed. I have a full length article on this topic coming out soon so for now, I’ll just say that as we need to make sure we’re doing everything in our power to be stay at home wives, or mothers. If your husband says he can make it work but it would mean giving up annual vacations, then that’s a sacrifice worth making. If you’re like me when we were newly married and couldn’t afford to live on one income, pray with all your might that the Lord would provide a way, and do your best to manage and maintain your home on your off days and hours.

Kind

This one is pretty self-explanatory so I’ll keep it brief. Honestly for this one, just remember the Golden Rule spelled out in Luke 6:31:

“And as you wish that others would do to you, do so to them.”

It’s pretty easy to maintain a kind heart if we think first of others, and then ourselves.

Obedient to their own husbands

There are two roles in a marriage: Head (husband) and Helper (wife). These roles are not interchangeable and scripture holds specific instructions to each spouse. Ephesians 5:22-24 is a good place to look for the instructions God gives a wife as the Helper:

“ Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit everything to their husbands.”

There are two distinctions in this verse that we see. The first is that we’re to submit to our own husband. No one else, not even your pastor carries more authority over you than your husband.

The second is in verse 22: “submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.”

This is a very important distinction to note. If our husband is using his authority to try and get us to sin, we don’t have to submit, and, in fact, we should not. Remember, our allegiance is to God first and foremost. The same thing goes for enabling sin. If you become aware of your husband engaging in a sinful pattern (such as drunkenness), it’s your duty as his wife to discuss this with your husband and, if necessary, to go and tell your elders so that they can come alongside him and help lead him to repentance.

Another aspect of the “as unto the Lord” clause is that we are to submit to our husbands as unto the Lord – just like how in Colossians 3:23 where we are admonished “Whatever you do, work heartily as unto the Lord, and not for men.” Most of us have had jobs or chores that we deeply disliked and in those cases we are to complete those tasks, not for words of praise from man, but rather we should accomplish those tasks for the glory of God and cheerfully, when possible.

There will be times when we don’t want to submit to a decision our husbands have made because we disagree. Assuming this is not a sin issue, and that we have shared our perspective with our husband, this is also a time in which we should acquiesce with a submissive and cheerful heart, knowing that our obedience honors God. At the same time, we should also pray that the Lord would give our husbands wisdom to make wise choices and that He would give us the wisdom to see when we’ve been wrong or when patience is required.

Whew, that was a lot. To wind things down…

After being told what the older women should be teaching the younger women (and in turn, how we as younger women should behave), the verse closes by saying “...that the word of God be not blasphemed.” I think it’s important to dig into this before I close out this article.

Blasphemy can be defined as “the act or offense of speaking sacrilegiously about God or sacred things; profane talk”. Tying it to the context of our original verse, Paul is making it clear that if an older woman chooses not to teach the 8 things discussed in Titus 2:4-5, she’s acting in a way that blasphemes the word of God through her disobedience and refusal. The same can be said if an older woman is teaching a younger woman to live in a way contrary to any of the 8 ways that God commands in this text.

This is one of the primary reasons why I (and others) believe that instead of women’s Bible studies focusing on theology a la carte, the church elders should be making sure that the teachers of the women’s Bible study are teaching what scripture commands them to teach in Titus 2. Or even better, that the elders are ensuring that older godly women are actively mentoring younger women in a manner that honors God.

In Closing

I want to re-iterate that I’m not an older woman. This post was written because a dear friend asked me to break down each point talked about here in Titus. I am, however, thankful for the older women that God has placed in my life who mentor me in the ways of biblical womanhood. When my kids are grown and gone, I hope to become a mentor to my future daughters, granddaughters, and younger women within my church. Until then, I’ll take to heart all of the advice and training I receive from the lovely ladies in my life.

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This post was requested by one of my followers on Twitter. She asked if I could go through Titus 2 and what it means to be a godly woman. For ease of reading, this article is broken up into 2 parts. Part 2 will be uploaded next week so be sure to subscribe so you don’t miss it!

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Introduction

There are many characteristics that make up a godly wife but for our purposes, we’ll be breaking down Titus 2:4-5 and going through each point.

“...that they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, kind, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.”

Sober

There’s more to being sober than just abstaining from or limiting your intake of alcohol. To be one of a sober mind means to have high self-control, discipline and in some cases, discernment. One simple example is how you interact with people online. It can be easy to get in all kinds of arguments online, but a woman of sober mind knows when it’s best not to reply. The same thing goes for real-life interactions.

When in a disagreement with a friend, you need to be able to decide if the disagreement is worth your friendship or not. Sometimes the wisest thing to do is simply “agree to disagree” and move onto a new topic. When it comes to standing on core truths, one must determine whether it’s best to engage in an argument, or to simply pray that the Lord will open their (or your) eyes to His Truth.

Being sober in regards to alcohol requires self-control and the ability to analyze your motives. It may not be common for wives and mothers to be raging alcoholics, but it is common for a woman to have a glass of wine every night because “She needs it to unwind” and “She wouldn’t be able to handle the chaos of the day otherwise”. As Christians, we shouldn’t be ruled by anything except God. If we become reliant on anything aside from God for mitigating daily stresses, it takes our focus away from Him and onto that thing. In context, if you “need” a glass of wine in order to escape the chaos of the day, perhaps consider putting away the glass and spending some time in God’s word and in prayer, asking Him to lend you His strength.

That said, I personally do not partake – that is mainly because I am allergic to alcohol – but I have witnessed in others that a glass of prosecco at the end of a long day can be joyfully imbibed to the glory of God.

Loving of their husbands

As godly wives, we strive to love our husbands. Part of loving our husbands requires doing things that may bring constant frustration to the average wife. Such as, picking up his socks off the floor. It’s been a trend in recent days for women to go online and complain about the mess their husbands make when they get ready in the morning. This isn’t loving for three reasons:

1. When a woman talks about her husband like this, she is publicly shaming him which is not only disrespectful, it can also be damaging to his reputation if friends from church or his work follow you online.

2. It misrepresents your husband, making him come across like an overgrown man-child.

3. It disregards the fact that his mind is probably focused on the work day ahead of him. Performing mundane tasks like picking up socks, with a cheerful heart, is one way we can love our husbands.

While it may be frustrating to have another thing added to your cleaning list. It’s not worth all the strife that complaining or publicly shaming your husband would bring into your home. In an effort to counter the disrespectful trend, I’ve seen a small handful of widows make posts about how their husbands passed away young and they would give anything to have him back and pick up his socks off the floor.

As wives, we need to be thinking through our actions and motives. Make sure you’re being as loving towards your husband as you can. Not only when he’s around, but when he’s not around as well. More on that under the “Discrete” title below. It may be hard, and no one does this flawlessly, but the more you try, the easier it gets.

Loving to their children

Some of the same principles of loving husbands can be applied to loving our children. If a child has a particular sin they lean towards (example: selfishness), don’t gossip about it to your mom friends. It’s okay to ask for help, especially from an older, more experienced mother, but it isn’t okay to go on a rant about your kid’s problems just for the sake of ranting.

Another way we can love our children is choosing to take the time to cook enriching, and healthy foods for them. They don’t need a 100% organic produce and an all grass fed meat diet, but they do need to have a healthy balance of protein and carbs. One of my toddlers tends to be picky when it comes to eating meat. He only likes ground beef by itself when it’s fresh off the stove. In order to get him to eat it the day after, I’ll add a bit of ketchup or cheese. I’ve also found that starting with protein and then moving onto fats and carbs ensures that he eats the healthy foods first. Typically, if he refuses to eat the protein, I’ll add fats (cheese stick) and from there, I’ll gently remind him that he has to eat his meat before getting the “fun” foods (carbs, usually a few chips).

This method of feeding is teaching him the importance of not being a picky eater. If I let him reject the food I give him and allow him to eat foods he picks, he would probably eat nothing but cereal, chips, and cheese. Sometimes as mothers, the best thing is telling them that being a picky eater is not allowed.

I know that the subject of childhood nutrition is kind of niche, but it’s a big part of my daily work as a mom to toddlers. As my children grow, I am sure that the Lord will have many more, and sometimes more complicated, lessons for me to learn about loving my children.

The last way I’ll discuss loving our children is education. As Christians, it’s important that we strive our best to give our children a Christian education. Personally, I believe that all Christian families should make the sacrifice to homeschool or put them in a Christian private school. However, I know that’s not an option for everyone, due to this current economy practically demanding dual income households. If your case is the latter, pray constantly that The Lord will make a way for you to be home to teach your children. You also need to make sure you’re teaching your children about Christ, anytime they’re home. Sunday mornings aren’t enough when it comes to fighting the Godless teachings of the government school system.

Having children is a blessing, but it’s also loads of hard work and sacrifice. Part of loving children is years of day (and night) long sacrifices. The best advice I can offer for the little stresses of the days and nights is to pray. Pray for the Lord to lend you His strength so you can serve your children well. At the end of each day, thank God for the successes He gave you that day, and pray that He would cover the day’s failings with His grace.

Discrete

As mentioned above, we need to be careful about the way we speak about our spouse, and others. If someone confides in us and opens up, we need to respect that trust by not going around and spreading the news to others. The only exception to this rule would be if someone is in immediate, physical danger.

It generally goes without saying, but I’ll add this as a disclaimer: if a friend confides in you that her husband is physically abusive, or if she admits to being physically abusive towards her husband or others, it’s your duty before God to make sure that the couple’s pastor (and/or the authorities, depending on the situation) is aware of what’s going on. Discretion doesn’t mandate hiding sin, or allowing others to continue being in a dangerous situation.

As confidants, we need to make sure that we’re being emotionally discrete in the advice we give. This also goes without saying, but we need to be vigilant in guarding against the tendency to gossip. When giving advice, we need to make sure that advice is rooted in scripture and not our emotions. If we are the ones seeking advice from a friend or even our elders, we need to be sure that we’re only sharing what’s actually necessary for the other party to give us advice.

Another aspect of discretion is the way we dress. We need to make sure we aren’t revealing anything that is supposed to be reserved for our husbands. A lot of modern fashion is included in this category. They may technically cover the skin, but by design, they not only tightly cling and reveal curvature, but the stitching also highlights features that are best covered with a dress or skirt. I’ll speak more on modesty in a future article that’s set to release in the next few weeks.

Given that I’m called “The Joyful Wife” and wifely things are a part of my niche, I thought it may be fun to do a more in depth post on how I met my husband and our story.

We met, but never talked

The year 2020 was a hard year for a lot of people, my family included. Several years before, we had launched a successful business and suddenly, the market where we sold our goods announced it was closed “Until further notice”. You can imagine our shock and panic of suddenly being out of business. The company was run by my father, mother and I. My father was able to get a job quickly while my mother and I did what we could to revive our website sales.

After 3 months of trying, nothing was working. My sibs and I applied for new jobs and thankfully, I was able to get the one I really wanted.

I met my husband on the first day of my job. He and a few other employees were tasked with giving me a company tour. He seemed nice, but to be honest, I didn’t think much about him (or anyone really). I mainly kept to myself during the first few months. I’m naturally introverted and the masks / ”social distancing” rule didn’t help.

It wasn’t until the following year that my now husband and I started talking more. He discovered I liked rock music and he would come up to me at random times recommending different bands. Over the following months, he started to talk to me more and more. Because I’m amazingly observant, I was able to tell he liked me from the start (I’m just kidding, in all honesty, I had no idea!).

The start of something wonderful

After we had been talking at work for a while, he asked me out to lunch. I almost blew it right there because my first reply was “Sure. Not like a date, right?”. He casually answered “No”. I didn’t have feelings for him at that time (or at least, I didn’t think so) and I didn’t want to lead him on.

When we went to lunch that weekend, we talked for nearly 6 hours! It turned out that we had quite a bit in common. He was a Christian (I knew that already), he was homeschooled, and he wanted to work his way into management. We would get together nearly once a week until after two months, he asked me out on a proper date. Naturally, I said yes because I knew I wanted to marry him one day.

Years later, after we got married, I asked him what he thought when he first asked me to lunch and I instantly wanted to clarify that it was not a date. He told me he was a bit freaked out because he had had to work up a lot of courage to even ask me to lunch that day, but he knew that he really wanted to get to know me, so he decided it was worth the risk of being friendzoned. He also told me was thankful that things worked out as well as they did.

On our first date, he talked about wanting to marry me. It sounds crazy, but considering we had been “unofficially dating” for a few months, it made sense. From that date on, he began saving up for an engagement ring.

We got engaged two months later at a beautiful park when we went on a day trip to visit family. It was one of the happiest moments of my life. I actually had a feeling he was going to propose that day so I had a surprise of my own for him: his own engagement ring. It’s a silly tradition my aunt came up with when she got engaged. She wanted the other college girls to know her man was taken so she bought him a ring after they got engaged. I thought it was a fun tradition and I carried the same sentiment, especially because other girls at work were getting a little too interested in destroying our personal lives.

We got married that following Spring and the rest, as they say, is history! We have a truly beautiful life together. There have been struggles, of course, but there have also been such incredible blessings! Three years later and we are parents to the absolutely sweetest little boys. I look forward to seeing what the Lord has in store for us over the next several years.

Thank you for taking the time to read this post! I would love to hear how you met your spouse, so please comment below.

Have a blessed day, friends!

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I’m known as The Joyful Wife, but my friends just call me Joyful. I’m a 20-something year old Southern gal enjoying life with my husband and two boys. I’ve been a stay at home mama ever since my oldest boy was born. I love to cook, read and one day soon, I hope to learn how to sew clothes.

Becoming a Wife and Mama

My husband and I met 5 years ago when I started a new job. We worked together on many work projects and assignments. Our boss had been (not very covertly) trying to set us up for a year. When my future husband finally got up the nerve to ask me out to get to know me, outside of work, we had a really great (and quite long) talk. He'll tell you that he already knew - from that first date - that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. He immediately started saving up for a ring. It took me a bit longer, but after a few months of getting to know him, I realized he was the one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. He proposed two months later and we got married the following Spring.

Shortly after we married, I was expecting our first baby. We were both so excited and looking forward to this new chapter in our lives. Our baby was born just a few days after his due date and I was able to have a successful, unmedicated, home birth.

Some women say you lose yourself and your identity when you become a mother. I had the opposite experience. Through motherhood, I discovered my true identity and role in life. Becoming a mother was one of the most humbling experiences of my life. It’s truly what God has made me for and such a blessing.

A few months after my first baby was born, we found out I was pregnant with our second baby, another boy. I was praying that God would bless us with 2 under 2 and by His grace, He saw it in His will to grant that desire. Our boys are absolutely the sweetest together. The oldest is such a helper and a great big brother.

Where I got the name

I’ve had my fair share of blogs but funny enough, I’m not even the one who came up with the name for this one. I owe thanks for the name to my mother, and a pastor out in Texas.

A few months ago, the pastor was discussing the trad wife movement on his podcast. He made a comment about sundresses and sourdough, and then added that it sounded like a good name for a blog. My mom heard that and instantly went online to see if the URL was taken. She knew I enjoyed writing every so often and figured I’d start a homemaking blog at some point in life. When I mentioned wanting to start a Substack page, she told me about the URL she had tucked away. It sounded like the perfect name so here we are!

My Beliefs

In closing, I want to quickly sum up my beliefs so you know what perspective I’ll be writing from. My husband and I are Reformed Baptists and hold to Biblical Patriarchy. My writings will be on things pertaining to Biblical Womanhood, rather than theology a la carte. I don’t think it’s proper for me to speak on such a broad topic, especially considering I’ll have no direct knowledge of whether or not men will be reading my articles. In addition to womanhood posts, I’ll also be writing on homemaking and motherhood. So make yourself a cuppa tea, sit back and enjoy the blog!

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